Blindfolds

On Thursday we trained with blindfolds on, which was great. It is amazing how quickly you become tuned to working in complete darkness, and how much your movement improves when you are not relying on sight, so are not focussing on one technique or one attack etc. In fact after a few attempts I felt that my movements were so fluid that I may try everything blindfolded. Except for maybe driving, or shopping. I hurt my ankle though. I think that a pattern is emerging here where every time I really enjoy a session I pick up an injury…

(Me in the dark, trying out my ninja skills)

So anyway I thought I would apply the whole blindfold thing in other parts of my life. I promptly suggested blindfolded sex when I got home, but Sarah just looked at me like I was a freak. After a minute or two of me giving her the raised eyebrows and her looking more and more nauseous our dog walked over and urinated in front of me.

“How about you mop that up blindfolded?” she replied, without taking her eyes off me. So much for blindfolded sex then.

I decided to take the dog out into the garden blindfolded instead. The first obstacle was the back door, which was okay to open, and I just about remembered where the step was, with a bit of a stumble, and made it outside. I could feel Sarah’s eyes boring into the back of my head so my newly fine tuned ninja skills must be working.

“Can you close the door behind you?” She could barely contain her laughter. I closed the door, shutting out the noise of the television and stood for a moment in the stillness. Absolute quiet, just the wind. Just me, and the elements, in my back garden.

I could hear leaves rustling in the trees, the occasional owl, but no dog.

“Hettie?”

Nothing.

The back door opened somewhere behind me and Hettie came bounding out, racing past me into the depths of the garden somewhere.

“Don’t forget to pick up her shit”. Sarah called behind me with glee in her voice, and then shut the door again. I could hear Hettie at the bottom of the garden somewhere so reached into my pocket and pulled out a bundle of ‘poop sacks’. Okay here goes.

Twenty minutes later after falling over twice, walking into a tree, and stepping in dog muck I opened the back door and stepped into the warmth again. Hettie bounded past me and knocked me flat on my face. I took the blindfold off and examined the bruises on my shins and the dog muck smeared all over my left boot.

That night I wore the blindfold to bed in the hope that we would indeed engage in blindfolded sex. It didn’t happen, but at least it made Sarah laugh. I think calling me a moron was a bit harsh though.

The following morning I woke up with a start to our youngest prodding my arm.

“Why are you wearing a blindfold dad?”

“I don’t know, it must have fallen onto me in my sleep.”

I could feel her watching me, thinking. Somehow I don’t think she bought it.

“Is it something to do with ninja?”

“…Maybe…”

-Sigh- “Can I have breakfast now?”

I finally took the blindfold off once I had managed to pour milk all over the kitchen counter twice and stood in Hettie’s water bowl. The next job was ironing a shirt, and blind ironing is beyond even my substantial capabilities.

So I have tried it and have decided that blindfolds are bad news, and being blind must really suck. I’m still going to try for blindfold sex though.

(This is NOT a picture of Sarah, my lovely wife, this is a random

picture of another woman enjoying blindfold sex, which I too

hope to enjoy some time soon.)