Ninja Q&A

I have been asked many questions about what it is to be a ninja banker, so here is my attempt to answer some of the more common questions.

What is a Ninja?

A ninja is an awesome killing machine, which is basically peace loving and kind. It is the world which is full of evil and criminal elements that the Ninja strive to keep under control, destroying all evil in their path in a blood crazed festival of ninja death.

What is the origin of the Ninja?

There are several stories relating to the rise of the Ninja.

In the EDO period of Japan some 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 years ago the first ninja rose up in a struggle against the domination and tyranny of the dinosaurs.

The first Ninja was born 1000 years ago. Chuck Norris ate a live turtle, and when he shat it out it was 6 feet tall and knew ninjitsu. Chuck Norris is therefore the father of all ninjas.

Some believe that the Ninja have existed since the dawn of time.

How can you spot a Ninja?

You can’t. Ninjas are everywhere and you are doomed.

Where do Ninja hang out?

On the surface of the sun

On the dark side of the moon

In front of you

Behind you

Above you

On the back seat of your car

In dark alleyways

In haunted houses

In cemeteries

In cupboards

Under beds

In your wardrobe

Under the floorboards

Behind topiary

Where you are looking right now

What do Ninja use as weapons?

Bats

Sticks

Knives

Swords

Rope

Chains

Twigs

Wood

Cardboard

Paper

Metal

Stones

Rocks

Frozen fish

Furniture

Your own limbs

Items of clothing

Domesticated animals

Wild animals

Dead animals

Stuffed animals

Mother nature

Father Christmas

The tooth fairy

The Easter bunny

The howling darkness of your soul

Your lunch

Livestock

Your house

The air that you breathe.

Their awesomeness

This is not an exhaustive list. Ninja can use anything at their disposal to kill you, even your own body.

How do you stop a Ninja?

You can’t. Ninja are indestructible and even if you think you got lucky and shot one, or knocked it out it is highly likely that it is just ‘playing dead’ and looking for the right moment to spring to life and insert the nearest portable object into your body (see above).

Are Ninja better than pirates?

Yes.

Is there anyone a Ninja cannot defeat?

No.

Except maybe Chuck Norris, who is also awesome and revered by all Ninja for his general level of awesomeness. But this doesn’t count because see “What is the origin of the Ninja” above, so…

No.

What would happen if two real Ninja fought each other?

This has never happened. In the past when two ‘ninja’ have fought one of them has turned out not to be real and has therefore been defeated.

But what if they did?

The world would not be able to withstand the level of awesome that such a fight would produce, and would explode.

I hope the above answers any questions you have, if you have any more then you can always ask the ninja banker yourself.