Ninja Banker Day One

Life in a bank is fraught with danger. You never know who is going to strike next, or how, so you have to have your wits about you. I have been learning the ancient art of kicking ass with ninjutsu to give me the edge in my banking life. This is a journal of how silent-assasin-of-darknes-ass-kicking skills help me through the traumas of everyday life in a bank. Take no prisoners, give no mercy.

***********************************************************************************

So I'm sitting at my desk playing with my ninja sword letter opener and my telephone rings. I look around and nobody looks like they are going to answer it, so reluctantly I pick it up. I'm thinking 'Shit, now I've got to talk to this idiot' and sure enough he starts whining about how unfair it is for us to actualy ask him to start paying back the money we loaned him. So this is basically my reply:

Let me get this straight.

We lend you the money.

You pay it back with interest.

That's how we make enough money to pay my salary.

We're a bank, not a soup kitchen.

If you don't like it then take your loan elsewhere, and good luck with that.

The phone goes dead. I think I just upset another one, but hey, what's the worst that could happen?

Larry, the branch assistant manager, walks over and asks for a word.

"A word please"

In Larry's office I sit down opposite him and he smiles at me in that kind of creepy way he has, tapping the fingers of his right hand on a chrome stapler in front of him.

"I had a call about your behaviour again."

I know I am in for a pasting.

Ten minutes later Larry straightens his hair, and passes me a tissue to wipe my tears away (only they are not real tears, it is hot in here and I sweat through my eyes).

"Don't let it happen again."

"Okay."

So I staple his trouser hems to his chair when he isn't looking.

The great thing is that I am already sat down at my own desk on the other side of the office before he notices.

Ninja 1, Bank 0, Customers 0.

********************************************************************************

Ninja training tonight.

We practised some wrist locks and I cried like a girl.

Sensei then prodded me in the soul with his index finger and it hurt so much I actually shat in my pants.